Dr H - Hammer Penis

Please excuse this entry its 3:30am and I'm moslty just rambling

So here I am again. With the same two words that seem to be a common statement in my posts. You would think that I would learn after so many of these almost copy and pasted posts about how much BOYS SUCK! Yep, I'm saying it again. BOYS SUCK! because you know what they do. This time though its for both good and bad reasons.

Bad Reasons: even guy friends blow you off when you've made plans for months! (Josh was supposed to take me to waterworld today, after 3 months of talking about it, and planning it - he called me today 5 mintues before he was supposed to pick me up to tell me he had a last minute work party thing for a boss he hates), reason number two is that no guy is the same so when you try out different things with them you never know if its because you tried the wrong thing (by thing i mean waiting period for sex, with you guy it was right away...haven't heard from him since, with another guy is was 3 dates...havne't heard from him since, with the last guy I didn't sleep with him and he just disappeared off the face of the earth!)

Good Reasons: because I always seem to find somebody I really really like when I'm in fucking Colorado. Again, I'm in a dilemma where I really see myself with W but alas I know its not going to end well so I'm pulling myself away when all I want is to just relax. The worst (and best in a sense) part is that its not just me who feels this way. W and I had a long talk today about how we kinda fucked ourselves over by dating "us" because we both know we have to let go but we just don't wanna. Again I say good (cause I have boy) bad (cause I'm going to lose boy)

Dr H - Hammer Penis

sorry if some of it is mindless rambling

5 memes from red_girl_42 : art, movies, commitment, cell phone, work

Art: Is full of shit. Everybody still trys to put way to much meaning behind all art. If it can't be intepuretted as a million different things from a million different angles then it can't be real "art". Sometimes I just want draw a puppy because I like puppies, not because I have daddy issues and I think that the oil prices are too high. Oh and drawing a picture with your tampon blood is not art, its fucking disgusting ok!

Movies: God is there anything better to do on a day that ends with -y. Sure people spend way too much money going to the movie theaters, but that's why I don't. I work there, get in for free and sneak in my candy. I can't even tell you how many times a freaking day people come up to me to complain about the prices. If you bring all 7 kids, its going to be expensive! But that's the movie theater. At my mom's house we own well over a thousand movies now and that's because we wait til they're cheap and then instead of spending taking a trip and getting tired and annoyed iwth each other we can insteadbe together in our own enviroement go to our rooms if we need some space but be together when needed as well. Watching movies together is my definition of family time, that's how I grea up and that;s how I love it.

Commitment: oh this one is a toughy cause I change my mind every day. Sometimes I want nothing more than to be with somebody. Just one boy that loves me and me alone and I for him. But even now I'm dating two guys because I'm so nervous about getting in that commited spot again (well I'm actually dating two guys because I'm leaving soon and going back to Arizona so this way I don't get attached quite as easily). I dunno, I want a commited relationship until I have it, because I'm so scared that I'm going to be fucked over royally again I'd just rather play the field. I know I could never be in a poligamous relationship because I get way too jealous and evil far too fast. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to fool around a bit longer. Whatever I'm too young for this question!

Cell Phone: Its a life saver and a life ruiner. The cell phone has ruined the way in which we talk to each other. The English language has been torn to shreads thanks to texting and "l33t" speak. But at the same time I FREAK OUT! whenever I don't have my cell phone on  me because I just need to be connected to my friends and family all the time. It makes me almost too happy whenever I get a text because then I know that somebody actually is thinking about me and cares enough to tell me so. I suppose its a self-esteem thing for me. Oh and you know in case I get a flat tire or whatever.

Work: Love it some days, hate it others. I can't stand doing what is not in my job description (for example having to figure out how to build a website when I'm supposed to be editing videos and doing graphic work only) but then again I've been really really really lucky in the work place I've always had great bosses and typically they end up loving me so much that I can get away with prety much everything. I'm a career woman I realized. I want a career before a family. If I had to choos I would not have a family. But hey I don't have to think about that quite yet.

You can play along: Leave a comment of request and I will give you 5 words. You will then write a post explaining what these words mean to you. Or not. You could just comment here if you like.

Dr H - Dancing Shoulder

welcome to the 21st century mother!

Yep that's right, I'm writing this blog from my sweet little room in my own house because my mom after years of me begging her finally got wifi (so long dial-up!).

Let's see, what's new...oh the glass is definitley half full! I've made peace about the B word and moved on to the W. :) that's right ladies and gentleman I have found another guy here. Sigh, I guess its good and I guess its bad. I can't ever seem to find a guy in Arizona that works for me and yet everytime I'm in Colorado I manage to find one right away (even though I wasn't really looking) He and I went to high school together and a mutal friend has been trying to get the two of together forever now and it finally just clicked. So that's happy news. A summer fling to take my mind off of the I dunno, stress?

I'm not stressed here really. After my long rant about being all depressed and confused I decided to suck it up and stay here and I can happily say that was the smartest idea I've had in a while. I'm meeting lots of new people, seeing lots of funny movies (Year One was ok, The Proposal was hilarious and the Hangover is a must, just FYI) and getting reconnected with my family here.

Bailey is great to be around which was something I was actually worried about. I was worried that she was going to be a cranky teenager (like she has been for the past 3 years) and there would be fighting and blah blah blah but I actually find myself missing her when I'm working 40 hours a week because I just love hanging out with her and talking and its great! Mother is great too, she looking fantastic and making friends and hey maybe there will be a man for her too cause everybody needs love right :)

Tonight I went to a hookah bar with Brittany (I'm her bridesmaid in case yall need a refrence to who the hell she is) and it was sooo much fun! We got to watch a lot of slutty girl make fools out of themselves and there were lots of cute guys checking us out instead of them and we just talked (well yelled because the music was hella loud) and it was just awesome.

Hmm what else, oh I've been feeling kinda antsy lately because my schedule has been so out of whack I haven't been able to keep up with red_girl_42  on the swimming thing and I feel all fat and lazy even though I've been losing weight according to my clothing. I guess that's what working at the movie theater does for me. I have had time to do some running since I've been here but with a new schedule every week (one of the huge downsides to working at the theater is that I never know when I'm going to have time off or whatnot) makes a steady work-out schedule hard to do. If I come back all fat and squishy I'm sure red_girl will whip me back into shape in no time.


Firefly - Mouth Shut

(no subject)

Ugh I hate dilemmas. I just want to get out of here now. If it wasn't for the break-up that wasn't really a break-up with Bart (and he's now in a relationship with his *shocking* 18 year old girlfriend, I'm starting to see a pattern and even though I'm grossed out by it I'm still all depressed that after a good 8 months of him confessing almost every night his undying love for me he choose her, fuck life) but now I get to work 40 hours at the crappy movie theater and I got a fucking ticket yesterday. All of my friends in Arizona want me back whereas here I have Brittany and Josh. The only reason why I haven't peaced out by now is because of my mom. I really wanted to be here for her birthday. Oh and of course the bratty sister (who by the way just got a job as a hostess for Village Inn YEAH BAILEY!). I dunno. I mean I could give my two weeks to Penny (my manager) and leave and then I dunno fly out for mom's birthday or heck. Do I really need to be there?

All I know is that I'm miserable in Arizona most of the time (which is just an entirely other post to get into) but its so much worse here. The only thing keeping me is my mom. I gotta stop thinking about everybody else though and focus on what I want. I and honestly don't know what I want. I don't want to risk running into Bart and his girlfriend again (oh yeah he came into the movie theater, knowing full well I was working with his new girl and didn't understand why I was so upset. JUST BECAUSE WE NEVER OFFICIALLY GOT BACK TOGETHER AFTER 8 FUCKING MONTHS OF DOING WHATEVER THE FUCK WE WERE DOING IT FELT LIKE YOU BROKE UP WITH ME.....AGAIN!!!) So now I'm all moody here, even though I put on a good face. Its not like Arizona is any better though. I have no hint of a love life there. No hint here. I know that shouldn't be the only determining factor of my happiness but after all the shit I've been though its kinda hard not to have anybody who can say they want to be with me.

When I was in Arizona I couldn't wait to be in Colorado, and now that I'm here I can't wait to go back. Fuck it, I might as well just stick it out here because at least I have a job that will give me 40 hours a week unlike my job in AZ. Oh goody that's something else I get to do, go job hunting again.

I guess I'm going to have to stop being such a wimp and stick it out here. I'll be home August 6 for anybody who cares.
Firefly - Going Mad

(no subject)

Long story short - he didn't choose me again. I know I didn't come out here for him, he was a bonus. One that exploded in my fucking face, again. A week ago he met her, for 2 years he's known me. But something scared him away, again. At least this finally gave me the courage to tell him to fuck off. Let's hope he sticks to it this time.
Dr H - Hammer Penis

(no subject)


I can't wait for school to get done. I still have 10 min Intermedia presentation (that I don't give a shit about so its going to be really crappy), 2 wood projects to finish, 6 bowls to make in ceramics, I have to finish the 5 cups that I started to make, a 10pg paper to write in American Drama all while trying to study for the 2 finals I have in American Drama and Pre-Raphaelites. God I can't wait for school to be over!
Dr H - Hammer Penis

What would like be like?


Is a very interesting article of about people who are asexual, and god it sounds like heaven. Not basing any of your decision on the sexual desires that haunt most humans, it would really make my life so much easier. I'm always so pre-occupied with sex and boys that it makes it hard to focus on the other (possibly more important) things in my life. Like right now, B (the boy who destroyed my heart this past summer) is suddenly wanting to move out to Arizona so we can live happily ever after. Now 6 months ago, that's all I wanted, that's all I dreamed about. But today - when he told me this - I wasn't excited. I was scared, because that meant I would be missing out on all of the other boys I could have.

And speaking of that how come they only come in waves?!? Suddenly this week every guy is 'noticing' me or whatever. I can't seem to go a full day without some guy asking me out, or giving me his number or getting all touchy and flirting with me. BUT WHY THIS WEEK? I feel like crap, so I haven't been putting much effort into what I look like (haha I haven't showered in 2 days because I don't have time and I don't really care, I know gross right!). Whereas the two weeks before hand I would get up a little early to 'prettyify' myself a bit, and nothing - nadda - zilch. I don't understand men.

But back to my original point, if I wasn't driven by my damn hormones all the time - I would have such an easier time. Not having to worry about making O jealous by flirting with C. Not having to sutley touch J just to make myself feel better and to rev up the engines a bit. Gah - whatever. Boys are confusing, I'm confusing, life is way too complicated!